Legacy

Today I witnessed a community celebrate the life of Megan McNeil.  Megan was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer, Adrenocortical Carinoma in 2006.  She managed to beat the disease three times before finally succumbing on January 28th.  In the past four and a half years, Megan not only fought for her life, but for the lives of countless children battling against various forms of cancer.  She wrote a beautiful song, "The Will to Survive" which is available on Amazon and iTunes, with proceeds going to support child cancer research and BC families affected by childhood cancer.  In 2010, Megan's story was named one of the best stories of the year by Canada AM and the most inspiring of the year by CBC's Connect with Mark Kelley.

I didn't really know Megan.  We met briefly at the Inside Ride last fall to kick of the Sears National Kids Cancer Ride and exchanged our thanks; I thanked her for supporting the event and she thanked me for helping organize it.  That passing moment after hearing her speak openly about her continuing fight against cancer was enough for me to see just how special Megan is.  I can't even begin to imagine the strength needed to beat cancer once, let alone three times in a span of four years is astonishing.  As Megan sings, to find that will to go on and fight and survive is truly inspiring.

From an outsider's perspective at the ceremony, it was amazing to see just a fraction of the people she touched in such a short time.  It was very touching to hear the stories and to help the people that loved Megan celebrate her life and achievements.  I learned that Megan lived a short but full life, surrounded by family and friends, doing everything she could to support the causes she believe in.  It's people like Megan that inspire us all to go out and do something to change the world to help their legacies live on.

It's for kids like Megan that I choose to work with non-profit and charity foundations through volunteering, fundraising, and hopefully throughout my career.  Seeing what Megan accomplished in her life makes you realize what kind of an impact you can have on this world.  It makes me wish I had realized it sooner as I think of the different opportunities that I let pass me by because I was too concerned with my own issues and drama.  I'm sad to admit that many of the people who have inspired me are gone and that with passing I become more committed to the path I'm on.

On a day like today I can't help but think of the legacy that I will eventually leave behind.  I talk about moving forward and planning for the future but I never really think about the end of it all - as far as I know, NO ONE does.  You never think about how the next moment could be your last.  When I'm gone, I want to leave behind something that means something to the people in my life.  Whether it's raising a family or starting my own foundation, I couldn't really say what I'll do, I just want it to make a difference.  I want to inspire people to do something great with their lives the way Megan has inspired me.

Megan may be gone by her legacy will continue to live on through her music and her family and hopefully one day I'll be able to say the same.  Thank you Megan for being such a huge inspiration and changing so many live by simply living yours the best way you knew how.

Full Moon Rising

It's a full moon tonight so I'm doing the smart thing and staying home!  There's no proof to support the theories about strange behaviour during a full moon but really, why tempt fate?  One argument to support this idea is the fact that the moon controls the tide and that humans consist of 70-80% water so obviously the moon would affect our behaviour.  I'm not saying this is true, but it's interesting to see what lengths we are willing to go to in order to justify or explain things.

Much like using alcohol as an excuse for bad behaviour, the full moon sometimes becomes the scapegoat for lunacy.  I think that we all need to step out from behind our excuses and just go for it.  Personally, I'm an honest drunk; ask me a question and I'll give you an honest answer.  I may regret it in the morning but that's the price you pay for losing your brain-mouth filter to vodka or whatever your excuse of choice may be.

The things we do drunk are those which we do not have the courage to do sober.  I've said it time and time again but people don't seem to listen.  Oh well - you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink.  Hopefully you'll all be able to stay out of trouble during this full moon cycle unless of course trouble is what you're looking for.

Time Bomb

My head has felt like it might explode at any moment all week.  The intensity rises and falls throughout the day and like a true masochist, I haven't taken any drugs to dull the pain.  This is equal parts lack of said drugs (at work), no time to take drugs (at work), and alternative medication (TV at home).  It's been a busy and sometimes hellish week with one more day to go.  My reward for a long week at work?  More work on Saturday! =s

Remember how I said I let guilt rule my life sometimes?  Well apparently I let compliments go to my head too since I agreed to speak at the next Art Institute open house again - supposedly they "love" having me talk to perspective students.  It's like mentioning you've got a bottle of champagne for me - I'm guaranteed to be there! =p  Hopefully the bomb in my head is deactivated by then as I doubt I'll be able to convince anyone to sign up for the program in this condition.  Who says you can't work three jobs and still have it all?  Oh yeah - you can't, hence my pain =(

I'm keeping this short today (I know you're all sad about this =p) as I've got another post to put together for The Finer Details blog - does this count as getting published?  I wish!  I'm busy researching sweets (cakes, chocolates, etc.) around Vancouver and I feel the need for chocolate reaching the boiling point. 

I feel a hermit/travel weekend coming up...any suggestions for quick getaways?

Letter to Yourself

In the great story that is your life, you will hopefully have many moments that feel like happy endings. For my younger readers full of angst, this may feel like a lie but I'm standing here on my "late twenties" pedestal to tell you things aren't as bad as they seem.

Screen shot of some of the video images

While watching Arcade Fire's interactive video from last year's release, "The Wilderness Downtown" (from their Grammy winning album "The Suburbs"), the video asked me to write a postcard to my younger self. The video was only so long so I knew it would have to be brief. That's when inspiration hit and all I needed was one line; "Don't worry, it's going to be ok."

I've often written about finding older versions of myself in my younger friends and getting a chance to vicariously right some wrote and head off similar mistakes. It makes me wonder what my life would be like now if I had someone to do the same for me when I was that age.

As much as I try to look forward and plan ahead, I feel like I'm constantly glancing in my rear view mirror. I'm a clinger and there's no point in trying to hide it. It baffles many of my friends to see me give people chance after chance but I wouldn't know the things I do if I hadn't put myself through the agony of disappointment. I feel that the friends that leave you broken and battered teach you just as much as those that stand by you no matter what.

Sitting in Starbucks after drinking another coffee I didn't need at this hour, I've wandered away from the point I started with. Do you see now why I agreed to write every day? I clearly need the practice! =) To bring us back to the beginning, I hope you all give it a try; write to yourself, to someone you know, someone who's gone, or someone you've never met. If you're anything like me, you'll hopefully feel a bit lighter with one less burden to bear. 

I'm leaving you now with a letter I wrote to someone that would never read it.  It didn't matter that they would never know, what mattered was writing it out to let it go...

June 25, 2006

Letter to Someone

Dear You,

There's something I need to get off my chest.  I really can't stand the way you seem to haunt my every move.  I hear your voice whispering around me in the quiet of the evening, but it's just my imagination.  I see your face when I glance over my shoulder, but it's always someone else.  I feel your fingers dancing across my palm, but it's just the wind whistling through my empty hands.  You're not here but you're always around and I'm sick and tired of this game we seem to be playing.  Like a shadow I cannot lose, our unfinished business roams the darkened corners of my mind, springing forth when I least expect it.  I wish I could cut you out, pretend you never existed, but it is your existence that propelled me into this new world that I love.  It's a bitter pill to swallow and it does nothing to dull the ache.  Alone in a room full of people, all eyes seeing through me; here, but always somewhere else.  Thank you for this blessing and curse.  I will treasure it forever and never forget that "there will always be something to ruin our lives.  It all depends on what or which finds us first.  We are always ripe and ready to be taken" (Charles Bukowski).  Thank you for the ruin you have left behind, but remember that Karma is a right bitch and she always gets you in the end.

Love,

Me

The Secret Language of Friends

One of the things I miss the most about my scattered friends is that they can understand what I'm saying even when I don't really make sense.  It's the result of countless hours spent talking between class, late into sleepovers, and killing our phone batteries.  They can tell when I'm fading out, I'm close to tears, or bursting with news. 

It's those little things that really mark the depth of a friendship.  When you know people almost as well as yourself, many things become second nature and you take on characteristics of each other.  My use of the words 'dude,' 'rattled,' 'broads,' and 'epic' have all been adopted from friends, as well as one of the best phrases ever invented, "I'm your best friend, you can't get mad!" (Thanks Char! =p)

Another great feature of your own language?  The inside jokes!  Words like 'grenade,' 'steamroller,' 'gookey,' and 'bird' don't really mean much to anyone else but if I said these to the right people, they could end up crying from laughter.

These are the things that make me smile, and sometimes laugh, in the middle of even the most hectic days because I know that no matter what I'm doing, they're always with me wherever I go.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

To the Team,
From Burrows

It's the day before all the chocolates go on sale again.  After cruising through Facebook and Twitter periodically today it seems the bitter singles and the annoying couples are at war while the rest of us who don't really care are stuck wading through it all.  Even the guys at my favourite Canucks Hockey Blog, Pass It To Builis got into the spirit with their post "Conversation Hearts, for the NHLer Who Simply Can't Find the Words."  It's hilariousness for any Canuck fan that should not be missed!

All joking aside, a day like today makes me think of love stories in literature, television, and movies.  Funnily enough, it also makes me think of drunken confessions and accidental hook-ups.  How many times has a hero pulled a stupid stunt that drives the girl away?  How many times has a heroine used her best guy friend (who is obviously into her) to attract her supposed true love?  If I had a dollar for every time the love-struck sidekick gets overlooked for a fratboy/sorority girl stereotype, I'd be pretty well off.  We see these stories so often that I have to wonder, why is it we always want what we can't/shouldn't have?

Best quote to sum this up? Robert J Ringer says it best, "There's a basic human weakness inherent in all people which tempts them to want what they can't have and not want what is readily available to them." After doing some Wikipedia research on Mr. Ringer, I'm sure that love isn't what he had in mind when he wrote those words but we can't deny that it applies to more than just business.  As much as I agree with his statement, I do have to highlight one key thing missing: he never says that you ever have to go after that thing you think you want.  Just because the grass looks greener on the other side doesn't mean it's what we want or need in the end.  Sometimes, taking a look at what you don't have makes you appreciate what you do have even more.

The Heart of the Matter

The heart to heart conversation has become a weekend staple since the start of the year.  I've had my fair share of them but never at the frequency I've been experiencing lately.  I think it's a mark of a new group of friends coming together and figuring each other out.  While drunk heart to hearts are the most typical, sober ones have been on the rise.

I play the "I'm way older than you guys" card all the time with my friends because while it is true, it's also an invitation of sorts.  I look back on where I was at that age and remember all the different ways I messed up.  So when I see them facing the same challenges and struggles, I find old versions of myself in them and am amazed to be able to watch their change in motion.  It's one of the reasons I hold on to people I should be letting go of. 

Life is about the connections you make and the people you carry with you.  A year ago I never would have imagined my life would look like this today but I honestly don't know where I'd be without these amazing people around me.  From random coffees on rainy days, to day-after debriefs over mimosas, to teary hotel confessions, these "kids" are hopefully getting as much in return as they're giving me because you can't put a price on second chances to make things right.