The Simple Things

It's important to stop and appreciate the simple things in our lives.  Over the past couple of months I've really learned to appreciate the comfort of rambling, inane conversations with friends, the beauty of warm rainy days, the strength (and loneliness) found in solitude, the freedom of honesty, and the sting of rejection.  It's the simple things that make everything else worth while  and we just need to remember that when things feel like they're spiralling out of our control.

There are hundreds of quotes that I could put here for inspiration, but there is one that I came across this past week that I haven't been able to get out of my head.  We've already established that I'm a bit of a control freak, I can't stop myself from meddling, and basically am a bit to focused on everyone else's lives.  There are hundreds of quotes that I could use to sum this all up, but there is one that I found this past week that has stuck with me.  It's a matter of remembering, while it's important to look forward at the big picture, life is about the moments, big and small, on the journey that we'll remember in the end.

"You can't do anything about the length of your life,

but you can do something about it's width and depth."

~ Shira Tehrani ~

Blogger Fail

This is what I got to stare at every time I tried to blog yesterday:

Needless to say, I was unimpressed by the massive maintenance fail as the clock ticked closer to my midnight deadline.  On the upside, this doesn't count against my "missed days" total (of which I only have 2 left for the rest of the year!) since it really wasn't my fault since Blogger was down for almost the entire day!

It's another 15-16 hour work day for me, going straight from the office to an event downtown so I have to post and run today.  Better posts coming tomorrow so make sure you come back to check it out =)

Friendly Advice

Some of the best memories I have of my friends come from nights (sometimes days) of sitting around and talking.  Whether it's over coffees at Starbucks or from across the globe, we pick up pretty much where we left off.  It gets harder as time passes and we find ourselves caught up in the rhythm of our daily lives, but these talks are always the highlight of my day, week, or even month!  Between the select few I haven't been able to shake over the years to the ever evolving cast of regular locals, I've learned more than a few things about myself, the world, and friendship in general.

1. Never promise forever unless you can actually keep it
2. Birthday presents have a 6 month window in which they can be delivered
3. Every group has that one person who is ALWAYS late
4. I am one of the worst at keeping in touch when we're not in the same city
5. Giving up on/letting go of someone is easier said than done
6. Eventually you run out of chances to make things right
7. Not every friend will stick around forever
8. Never bail on plans at the last minute or forget to cancel!
9. Friends don't let friends drunk dial unless the argument to do so made sense at the time
10. Trust and respect are earned and shouldn't be taken for granted
11. Friendship has to have both give and take otherwise one of you will just end up empty
12. Honesty is really the best policy
13. Getting mad is pointless if you refuse to let them know you're mad
14. If you're going to give advice you should be prepared to actually take it yourself
15. Friends come up with the best surprises
16. You can't force a friendship - some people just aren't meant to be a part of each other's lives
17. Never abandon a friend in need
18. Beware of one sided bets
19. When someone asks for a secret, start with something small
20. Don't forget to tell people just how much they mean to you

Message in a Bottle - Lost

Messages come in many forms but my favourite are those anonymous notes that brave the seas (or the web).  There's something cathartic about releasing those words into the great unknown, hoping they might reach the person they were meant for.  The Message in a Bottle series gives readers (and myself) that chance.  I am so proud of everyone that is brave enough to give it a try, and am equally humbled by the fact you trust me to deliver your message.

I used to love going to the public library.  My first love when it comes to books is the bookstore, specifically the giant three storey Chapters downtown, but there was always something about the history of the books in libraries (and used bookstores) that drew me in.  Tracing my fingers along the cracked spines and worn covers, I wondered where they had travelled and who they used to belong to.  The best thing about used or borrowed books is what gets left behind, tucked between the pages; receipts, letters, homework, poetry, all creating a story of their own for the next person to find them. 

I found a letter today that made me sad beyond belief.  Tucked into a worn copy of "Paradise Lost" by John Milton was a part of someone's journal that I'm sure was never meant to see the light of day.  I've never read Paradise Lost, so I can't really say I understand the significance of finding these pages in this particular book. 
What made me so sad about this lost letter is that I know exactly what they are feeling.  We've all been there before, in varying degrees, feeling helpless and alone.  Some of you might not agree with my posting a stranger's words here without their permission, but I do it in the hope that they (and anyone else that feels like this) will somehow find this and see they aren't as alone as they think. 

People always leave.  Sometimes they come back, but even if they do, nothing is ever the same.  Circumstances, lives, minds, and even hearts change over time and you're left with nothing but regrets.

I never imagined my life would be this ordinary.  It is neither exceptionally good, nor bad - just average.

It's times like this, when I don't have enough to keep me busy or the energy to pretend that I think about what people's lives would be like if I was gone.  I don't think about hurting myself (mainly because I know I would ultimately be too chicken) but I do think about disappearing.  Sometimes it feels like I'm already half way there.

I think about how my family would feel, how my friends would react, and how long it would take for everyone to move on and forget.  Sometimes I'm scared to admit it probably wouldn't take as long as I hope.

Sometimes the sadness is too much so I'll get in the car and drive, as if I could out run the hurt and the fear, but most of all, the lies.  Sometimes I come out and sit beside a wall, confessing to the dead, imagining their replies, until the chill cuts down to my bones.

People always leave so I try to beat them to the punch.  But regardless of who leaves first, things are never the same; I am never the same.  How can you be when you are surrounded by ghosts?

Half Way

It takes 16 to win and the Canucks are sitting at 8.  Here's to the next round!

Thanks

For knowing that even though chocolate can't fix all your problems, it's an essential life ingredient

For understanding that sometimes the biggest questions don't need to be answered with words

For giving up the secret ingredients to more than kitchen recipes

For well timed hugs

For remembering all our favourites

For everything, big and small, seen and invisible

I can't imagine a more difficult job in the world than being a parent.  It's amazing to realize just how much your life has been affected by mothers; from the ones that brought us into this world to all the unofficial ones that helped shape us into who we are today.  A simple thanks could never be enough but it's a small start.