Prologue

It wasn't as though she'd given up on living; it was more like life had given up on her.  Katie drummed her fingers on the chipped Formica table top as she mulled over her options.

Drowning in her own cramped bathtub just seemed ridiculous.  She could barely fit in it properly to take a bath, so no one would believe she had drowned in it by accident.  Aside from the implausibility, there was also the issue of when she would be found, and by whom.  With her luck, it would be her father, no sooner than three days later, and not even in death could Katie escape the mortification of that.

Shooting herself would also be out of the question as she didn't have the steadiest hand.  She feared this fact would lead her to botch the job, somehow survive, and live as an invalid for the rest of her miserable life.  The same outcome could be predicted for any other physical trauma such as jumping off a building or throwing herself in front of any moving vehicle because it was obvious that the universe really hated her that much.

Clearly, she would just have to keep trudging along, hoping for the best.  Pushing back from the table, Katie headed to bed, not realizing her choice to live would be the catalyst to changing everything.

Hide & Seek

Do you remember that feeling you had as a kid playing hide & seek?  There was the thrill of securing the ultimate hiding spot and the elation of getting to home base before getting tagged, but I also used to have that moment of doubt in the first round that no one was actually looking for me; that it was just an elaborate prank to get me to hide away from everyone.  I'm sure this says quite a bit about my mental state, not only as a child but as an adult since I still get that feeling every so often.  When you spend your life running away and hiding, the hardest thing is learning how to stop.  I thought that it was something I'd figured out years ago but what I realize now is that it's something I have to work at every day. It's not easy, but at least I'm trying.

Bump Watch

My cousin is 4 months pregnant and she's the first one that side of the family and to say we are excited is an understatement.  At the same time, I'm also a bit wary of what this means for the rest of us already at a certain age.  I know it may seem selfish to take another person's joy and somehow make it about yourself but I honestly think it's a natural occurrence - it's impossible to look at someone else's life and not compare it to your own.  Nevertheless, this isn't the time to expound those thoughts, this is the time for congratulations and staring in awe at the first photo of Baby Sully - that's one lucky kid.

Molasses

Given how fast time flies these days I'm surprised at how slow this week feels.  There hasn't been any shortage of work to do, it actually feels like there's more work than usual this week, so that clearly isn't the case.  I suppose my current bout of contemplation, paired with post-flu laziness could account for time slowing down this week.  Then beneath the rest of it is an edge of restlessness, anticipating what could be on it's way.  Fingers crossed it's something good!

Masks

There are some things that we hide away from the rest of the world.  It could be a trait, an object, or even our true selves.  Like great actors and actresses in sold out theatres, we choose a character and present that face to the people around us.  Eventually, you let the character go and hope everyone understands it wasn't really you.  I guess my question is, what happens when people prefer who you were pretending to be to who you actually are?

Struck

As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment.  And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment.  And then the moment was gone.

~ John Steinbeck ~

She stood there for a moment in awe.  Never before had she felt this way about anything and she was certain this would be the defining moment in her life by which everything to come would be measured against.  Her senses drank in the details; the feel of cool glass sliding under her fingers, the delicious warmth of the summer sun dancing against her back, the ever present hum of the city fading to a whisper as the moment stretched beyond belief.  It was as though time itself paused to release a sigh of content before swiftly marching on.

A bag knocked against her shoulder sending her stumbling forward to mar the pristine glass with a finger-smeared rainbow.  She smiled upon noticing where the trail ended, seeing the treasure waiting to be collected by a fortunate stranger some day.  The smile lingered as she was enveloped once more by the crowd surging forward through the city, searching for the next moment, waiting beyond he bend.

Illusions

Someone recently pointed out the obvious and called me a meddler.  This would hardly be post worthy had it not been followed with a simple question; "What will you do once you've fixed everyone else's lives and only have your own to focus on?"  Let's just say that this question has stuck with me lately and has raised quite a few more that I wasn't expecting to ask myself.  The scary part is, I'm not quite sure how to answer any of them right now...