So Long Summer

Today is September 1st.  While there is still one more long weekend for students to enjoy before heading back to classes, and another 22 days before the official start of autumn, it already feels like the end of our woefully shortened summer.

This summer was pretty work heavy and if I was forced to find a singular word to describe the rest of it I would have to say it was 'interesting.'  There were people falling in love, breaking up, hooking up, getting married, growing families, moving away, coming home, and generally causing havoc.  I won't go into details about who (including myself) fell into which category, but I will say it taught me a bit more about myself yet again.

When I was 18, I thought I knew where my life was going and who would be coming along for the ride.  Ten years later, I'm still trying to figure it all out because I never could have imagined what the past ten years brought me.  Earlier this summer I thought my life was starting down a new path but it was actually just a slight detour that finished with a dead end.  It was a bit of a surprise that would normally would have triggered a retreat, but this time I think it actually gave me a kick forward. 

It reminded me that I'm not a person who can settle for second best and consolation prizes so why should I let people view me like one?  I will never forget a tearful voicemail I received back in June from one of my best friends.  She was upset for me and vehemently stated that I deserved to be happy, which is something I forget to focus on sometimes. It's sometimes too easy for me to put my needs aside and concentrate on making sure other people are happy, even if it's at my expense.  It's that doormat quality that I've been trying to squash for the past couple of years, and might actually be close to kicking.

This summer reminded me that even though my life isn't anywhere near where I thought it would be, it's still pretty great.  I've loved, been loved, learned, taught, fallen down, gotten back up, cried until I laughed and laughed until I cried.  There have been dark days, bright nights, and friends that have come, gone, and sometimes disappeared forever.  I lost and found countless versions of myself and hope that all these things keep happening because it means I'm still growing.  I used to want to live in Neverland but not anymore because I know that even though you can hide to keep things the same, the world goes on changing without you.  It's not going to stop and check that you're ok, it will gladly keep rolling on as if you don't matter at all.

If you only take one thing from this entire blog, I hope it is this: You matter.  What you say, what you do, and how you live matters.  It may not matter to the entire world, but it matters to the people that make up your world.  If you ever hit a wall you can't overcome on your own, there is no shame in asking for help.  If you can't do it for yourself, please try and do it for those people in your life.  In a summer full of sad losses and global chaos, it's been a recurring theme for me to look back on where I've come from and hope that the days to come will be just as incredible.

Reading this post back, I've managed to deviate away from what I originally intended to write about, which pretty much sums up my life =) Apparently this is something I've been needing to get off my chest for a while so forgive the length of tonight's ramblings.  Getting back on track, I'd like to bid summer adieu.  It may not have been 'the best summer ever' but I'm positive it won't be one I forget easily.