Between the Lines

One of the only nice things about being sick is that I've had a lot of time to catch up on my reading.  Way back when I was struggling to find a path in university, I contemplated going into publishing or even being a literary agent (being an agent for authors).  I figured I should try to find a profession that had to do with something I loved.  This also happened to be a point in my life where I was even less confident in my skills as a writer and couldn't find any sort of motivation to help myself improve.  I figured, since I probably didn't stand any chance of getting published, I might as well help others do what I could only dream about.  Looking back at a lot of my early work from high school and the first few years of college, I can't say I disagree with my original assessment.  Thankfully, that was many years ago and I (hopefully) have become a better writer since then.

I'm not really sure where my love of literature came from as no one in my family is as obsessive about it as I am.  If I had to pick some sort of trigger, I'd have to say it was probably because I was painfully shy as a kid.  Everyone at my elementary school already seemed to know each other, growing up in the same neighbourhoods and attending the same pre-school.  Then there was me, fresh of a plane from the Philippines, unsure of pretty much everything at that point.  So, instead of pushing forward and making new friends, I retreated into the safety of books, getting lost in their stories, finding characters I wish I could be like.  Even today, sometimes I'd rather revisit some of my fictional friends rather than go out with my real ones.  I just read that back and it seems a bit pathetic, but I can't deny the truth - everyone needs a bit of a break once in a while!

One of the reasons I always seem to have so many new books to catch up on is because I love re-reading the ones I've already been through.  I tend to read through novels extremely fast the first time around, especially if it's a new installment in a series (i.e. Harry Potter), sometimes getting through thick volumes in mere hours.  The reason I read books multiple times is that I always find details I missed the first few times around.  I love finding new details that enrich the story, deciphering the intricacies of foreshadowed clues and discovering the exact moments the plot shifts.  Simply put, I read not just for the pure entertainment, but to learn.  After all, who better to learn from than those that have already paved the way?

Writing is something I just don't know how to stop doing.  We all have various outlets in which we can channel our emotions - whether it is sports, music, dance, art, or even destructive addictions.  I can honestly admit that I would be lost without my ability to write.  I may not always find the right words to speak at the right time, but I do like to think given some time and a blank page, I can create something meaningful that probably won't change the whole world, but maybe just one person's world.  I used to write letters because I was too scared to say the words out loud - it was just another way for me to stay anonymous.  Now I write because I've realized my voice isn't insignificant; what I say can have depth, meaning, and weight.  I write because it's a part of who I am, and I'm not afraid to let people see the real me anymore.

I know this post is a bit long winded and scattered as per usual, but that's mainly because I'm racing the clock once again.  I used to write just for myself, but now I write for all of you too.  The fact that anyone reads this blog at all was more than I could've hoped for, but knowing there are strangers around the world taking the time to see what I have to say is staggering.  All I can say at this point is thank you for reading.  You all have given me hope and courage to continue on this path, but mostly, you've given me a voice.  Even if my literary dreams never come true, at least I have this to look back on to see just how far I was able to go, which is already much farther than I used to be able to imagine.