Crazy Little Things

I noticed an interesting trend that came to light after watching the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love.  Quick summary for those that haven't seen it; Steve Carell plays an ordinary middle aged father who just found out that his wife, played by Julianne Moore, had an affair and wants a divorce.  He eventually meets Ryan Gosling, a self-assured playboy, who decides to help him find his lost manhood.  Now before you think this is a typical chick flick, keep in mind, the principal characters we are focusing on are the men. 

It's an interesting perspective to watch a man go through the transformation process in an attempt to make himself more desirable to the opposite sex.  Yes, at the core, this is a love story, but it is one filled with heartache, comedy, depth, and soul.  It looks at the different forms love can take and the different ways we try to capture and keep it.  For me, it was about the ways love can change us as we fall in and out of it.  Personally, I haven't really encountered many stories like this, and I have to admit, even though the themes explored aren't gender specific, I was enthralled.  The change of view was refreshing and it felt like the genre was getting a much needed breath of fresh air.

Soon after watching Crazy, Stupid, Love, I read the book Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby.  This is a great book by a best selling author who always manages to surprise me in so many small ways.  Juliet, Naked brings us two people who have settled for what was comfortable and the reclusive former rock star who unknowingly changed their fate with his music. 

Annie is the female protagonist and even though she was written by a man, she was a character I had absolutely no problem relating to.  We are similar in many ways and I can safely say I knew exactly how she was feeling throughout the book because I had come to similar conclusions about my own life even though we are completely different in that regard.  This is a story that speaks of loneliness, regret, and the consequences of our choices to run away or settle down.  It's amazing how your entire perspective can change just by stepping back and looking at things from a different angle.

*~~* SPOILERS UPCOMING! *~~*

There are quite a few parallels I could draw between the two stories but the thing that stayed with me long after they were over was the fact neither of them had a defined ending.  The outcomes were implied, but the audience was left to construct their own versions of the journey that would take these characters to where we think they will end up.  Most viewers or readers will assume that the characters end up together, happily in love, but as is the case in reality, there are no guarantees that is what actually happens.  See what I mean about new life and surprises?

These stories were more than just about falling in and out of love.  They were about falling down and learning how to get up and keep going; how to overcome the roadblocks in your life and become better people for it.  Most importantly, it was a reminder that our own happy endings are out there somewhere, we just need to go make them happen.

Sing

It's cheap movie night at the theatre so naturally I took my god-daughter out to watch Glee the 3D concert.  It got decent reviews and I'd previewed the soundtrack on AOL so I was fairly confident it would be worth the discounted admission. 

In truth, it was but it wasn't.  The song selection was pretty good and fans at the concert probably got their money's worth (especially if they made it into the actual movie), but there was just something off about the whole production.  Maybe it was the fact it was in 3D (which you barely noticed), or the cheese factor of cutting real life fan stories in with the concert footage.  I truthfully liked the fan stories and the messages of acceptance and changing perceptions, but it was just too much when combined with the concert.  Or maybe it's the fact I could tell the concert itself was presented out of sequence and felt disjointed.

Maybe I'm nitpicking tonight more than usual, but I did I enjoy myself.  Would I watch another 3D concert if they decide to release another one next summer? Probably not.  If I want to watch 90 minutes of Glee, I'll stick to watching the regular episodes at home on my couch.

Bad Saddies

'Bad Saddies' is a term I first heard during my time in Florida.  Every time we had to say goodbye to our friends and the tears would start to flow, we would tell each other 'no bad saddies' because we would see each other again eventually.  It was a reminder not to dwell on the sad goodbye, but the great times we had together and all those to come.  I couldn't tell you who came up with the term, but it's one of those things that has stuck with me even though the years have passed and most people in my everyday life have no idea what it means.

It's one of the things that came to mind tonight as I read reports about the sudden death of Rick Rypien.  Through six years with the Vancouver Canucks, Rick had his share of ups and downs on the ice, but it was his struggles off the ice that really caught people's attention.  Extended leaves of absence from the team, an altercation with a fan in Minnesota, and his battles with personal demons seemed to be behind Rypien as he returned to hockey this past spring with the Manitoba Moose.

Even though he signed on to play with the Winnipeg Jets next season, many fans wished him well and he seemed genuinely excited to continue his career in Manitoba.  With things looking up for Rick, his death comes as a shock, and the rumors of suicide have already begun to swirl especially with his history, and the fact that another NHLer was lost this year with the death of Derek Boogaard, after an accidental overdose of alcohol and oxycodone. 

I won't pretend to understand what it's like to battle a mental illness like depression.  There is no way of knowing how difficult it is to go through the simple motions of getting through the days with the oppressive weight of hopelessness pressing down on you at every moment.  Mental illness is best understood by those who have suffered through and overcome them.

I haven't been there, so I can't say how it feels or what you go through.  What I do know is what it feels like to see someone struggle with depression.  I've felt the helplessness of being unable to do anything but offer support when you can.  I know the pain of losing a friend who wasn't able to overcome depression.  I've experienced the bitterness of thinking I should've done more.

In the end, we can look at the reasons why someone may have chosen to end their life, but what we should really be looking at are ways we can prevent others from making that same choice.  There are organizations you can support on local, national, and even global levels; from suicide prevention hot lines, to mental health advocacy groups.  All it takes is a bit of time, something the Rypien family probably wishes they had more of with Rick. 

Memorial outside Rogers Arena
(Photo from the Vancouver Sun)

***UPDATE

I just wanted to share some links to great articles written about Rick and the issues we should be focusing on in light of his death.

RIP Ryp by Dan Murphy
Vancouver Won't Forget You by Head to the Net
Rick Rypien will be Missed and Mourned by Pass it to Bulis
Hockey Realities by Jason Gregor
Rypien Never Easy to Read by Tony Gallagher
The Elephant in the Room by Trevor Presiloski

Perfect Imperfection

Everyone has flaws and anyone who says they (or someone else) are perfect is lying.  It's such an accepted fact that even fictional characters are created with imperfections to make them more relatable.  It makes me wonder why we even refer to them as flaws anymore when it has such a negative connotation.  Sometimes, it's the things we dislike most about ourselves that make us the most unique to others.  At the end of the day, it's our ability to overcome our perceived flaws, fears, and weaknesses that make us better people.  Hopefully you'll all remember that the next time you think about something you don't like about yourself.

Jaded

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true."

~ Irving Caesar ~

I watched Super 8 with my sister tonight and after I said I didn't quite care for the ending because it was too cheese-balls, she said I was jaded by the current state of the entertainment industry.  Now, I don't see myself as someone who always sees the glass half full/empty, it really just depends on the day.  Regardless of how much is actually in the glass, you still have to drink it so you might as well do it in one go.

Is it wrong to expect visionary film makers to produce an ending that effectively wraps up the story without making me think of some American sliced cheese?  I'm a huge fan of J.J. Abrams and his work but you can't expect everything to always be awesome, otherwise you wouldn't know a truly fantastic film even if it slapped you across the face.

Mirror Image

Throughout your life, you'll meet thousands of people, but every so often, you'll meet versions of yourself.  I know I've mentioned this before, but seeing as how I'm flipping to yet another new chapter, it just felt right to revisit.

I often find myself in younger people, such as friends who are on the cusp of new beginnings.  Lately though, I've wondered if I'm really seeing myself, or just imagining it because I wish I could go back to my own beginning.  Sometimes its like looking in one of those mirrors that distort your appearance.  Regardless of the truth behind my intent, whenever I do find these alternative Angelas, I'm overcome with the need to take care of them. 

I lecture, give advice, listen and ultimately compare them to myself.  It's almost as though I've tricked myself into believing if I can fix them, I can fix myself, when in reality, they are the ones fixing me.  As much as it hurts when they eventually outgrow me and move on, there is also satisfaction in knowing we've left our marks on each other and will hopefully be better in spite of the pain; that someday, we'll figure out the meaning behind it all.

In Excess

Extreme!

Too much of anything is supposed to be bad for you. I suppose I agree to an extent; when it comes to things that affect us physically (i.e. food, exercise, etc.), moderation is key. What about things that leave an emotional or psychological mark? Those same things that change our physicality can also wreak havoc on other aspects of ourselves so I would apply the same principal of moderation.

Now I would question the emotions themselves. While no good can come from excessive sadness, can we argue the same for excessive happiness? Obviously if there was something I could give to everyone it would be happiness, but I honestly think that without pain, suffering, and loneliness, we would lose our ability to feel compassion, sympathy, and even love. There is a universal balance that exists in everything and a beautiful symmetry that uses the darkness to help us appreciate the light and vice versa.

Tomorrow I might chalk all this up to the cold medication, but tonight it just feels right to explain my thoughts on this. I've fallen to the extremes of both ends of the scale throughout my life and have felt as though there was no change in sight. I guess this is my way of reminding myself that things will always change when you least expect it and all you can do is remember that your world will balance out in the end

Haven't I Seen You Before?

There's something familiar about the latest installment of the Transformers franchise, Dark of the Moon.

Oh...that explains it!  =p For anyone who didn't see it, the movie this clip references is The Island, another Michael Bay film, released in 2005.  According to a local radio host, Bay was pissed off that not enough people got to watch the chase scene in 2005 so he replicated it in Dark of the Moon for maximum viewage.

All joking aside, if you wanted to see destruction on an epic scale, this is your movie of the summer (so far).  We all knew (hopefully) that this wasn't going to be a complex story with emotional twists and surprising turns.  After two films laying down character and plot foundations, this was all about getting a giant bang for your buck.  However, as amazing as the battles and effects were, it felt a bit disjointed to me.  It seemed as though any downtime or extended dialogue scenes were just inserted to give you a chance to catch your breath before the next chase or explosion.  But again, that is what we were expecting, especially with rumors that the cast (specifically Shia LaBeouf), was ready to call it quits after this latest film.  I don't really blame them since in reality, how many times can we play out this story?  Though if I had to guess, I'd say Michael Bay has at least one more up his sleeve.

For a professional's opinion, check out Entertainment Weekly's review of Dark of the Moon here.

The X Factor

Friday was opening night of X-Men: First Class.  Surprisingly, my dad and I managed to get our acts together to catch a show at a decent time.  I haven't seen a non-animated movie since The Adjustment Bureau and was pretty excited for my first action blockbuster of the summer season.  Sad but true - this is what my life is like these days =)

In all honesty, I really liked it even though it does lead to some inconsistency with a few minor details in the later films.  It's always nice to be able to see where the characters came from and how they became who we know them as today.  Where you come from and the experiences you go through along the way have a huge influence on who you become.  As with all X-Men movies, this one touches on issues of discrimination, fear of the unknown, and the battle between good and evil, both internally and externally. 

"In each of us, two natures are at war-the good and the evil.  All our lives the fight goes on between them and one of them must conquer." ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Is the capacity for evil really inherent in all of us, waiting to be unleashed by a traumatic experience or constant abuse?  When faced with the choice between doing what is right or taking revenge, what would you choose?  It's not an answer that can be predicted or debated ahead of time because you usually go with your gut when the moment actually arrives. 

Even though we know the eventual outcome of the film (assuming you've seen the other movies prior to this one), you can't help but wonder for a moment if a different choice will be made by these characters, led by James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender as Charles Xavier (Professor X) and Erik Lehnsherr (Magneto) respectively.  As the photo says, "Witness the moment that will change our world."  Don't mind if I do - it's definitely worth the watch.

Friendly Advice

Some of the best memories I have of my friends come from nights (sometimes days) of sitting around and talking.  Whether it's over coffees at Starbucks or from across the globe, we pick up pretty much where we left off.  It gets harder as time passes and we find ourselves caught up in the rhythm of our daily lives, but these talks are always the highlight of my day, week, or even month!  Between the select few I haven't been able to shake over the years to the ever evolving cast of regular locals, I've learned more than a few things about myself, the world, and friendship in general.

1. Never promise forever unless you can actually keep it
2. Birthday presents have a 6 month window in which they can be delivered
3. Every group has that one person who is ALWAYS late
4. I am one of the worst at keeping in touch when we're not in the same city
5. Giving up on/letting go of someone is easier said than done
6. Eventually you run out of chances to make things right
7. Not every friend will stick around forever
8. Never bail on plans at the last minute or forget to cancel!
9. Friends don't let friends drunk dial unless the argument to do so made sense at the time
10. Trust and respect are earned and shouldn't be taken for granted
11. Friendship has to have both give and take otherwise one of you will just end up empty
12. Honesty is really the best policy
13. Getting mad is pointless if you refuse to let them know you're mad
14. If you're going to give advice you should be prepared to actually take it yourself
15. Friends come up with the best surprises
16. You can't force a friendship - some people just aren't meant to be a part of each other's lives
17. Never abandon a friend in need
18. Beware of one sided bets
19. When someone asks for a secret, start with something small
20. Don't forget to tell people just how much they mean to you

Pieces

I'm not sure if it's scary or comforting to look back on things I've written years ago and realize what I said then is still relevant in my life.  I suppose it depends on what subject matter we're discussing.  If I was talking about universal themes and life in general, then I guess it's comforting to know the world hasn't changed that much.  On the other hand, reading my previous statements on moving forward, the future, and other similar subjects is somewhat frightening to see how little I've actually been able to embrace those declarations and turn them into reality.  Once in a while though, I come across something that I have a new appreciation for.  This is a post from almost a year and a half ago (September 27th, 2009 to be exact), also titled Pieces:

When your life consists of multiple different worlds, it's easy to fall apart slowly. On the other hand, it's also extremely easy to have them all implode simultaneously. Tonight, I let a few of my worlds collide and it was interesting to say the least. It felt like the evening was coming together and crumbling all in the same moment.  

As per usual, I had to set up my office in my room since people combined with alcohol always seem to think it's a good time to have a life talk with me. Not that I mind, it's actually the opposite. Most of the time I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, it's nice to be able to help someone else make sense of theirs. 

This is something I struggle with constantly; the possibility of losing yet another piece of myself, never to actually get it back. We patch our hearts with empty promises and hope, but we're never quite the same again. I stood before the staff at our annual Princess Sail Away party the other day and delivered an emotional thank you, but how can you really express just how much some people have changed your life? 

So tonight, I throw this out there to anyone that may be carrying a piece of me with them, intentionally or not, thank you for the difference you have made and for the pieces you've left in my care.

From what I remember, I was worried about feeling incomplete because I had given too much of myself away.  What I realized tonight is that I don't want to be complete.  At this point, the option of self-preservation just seems like an empty, lonely life.  I want to keep giving parts of myself away to make room for the pieces I get from my friends.

From late night designated driving (like the wee hours of this morning) to bellini lunches to hotel parties, every moment teaches me something new even if it takes me a while to figure out exactly what it is.  We don't just "patch our hearts with empty promises and hope," we patch it with each other.  We should never be the same as we used to be because that means we've stopped growing.

I used to want normalcy, whatever that actually entails, but now I'm happy with the unexpected (mostly).  It's not enough to just make it through life, focusing of what if's and debating opportunities until they've already passed by.  It's about standing up for what you believe, taking that risk, and possibly falling on your face; and I think I'm finally okay with that.

This being the end of the Princess season, we are faced with the possibility of not really seeing each other over the course of the next several months. It's always a bittersweet time of year since the joy of making it through another season is tainted with goodbye. 

Honestly

Honesty and the truth are hot topics these days and listening to people try to figure their problems out makes me wonder, why is it so hard to get to the truth? Then I remembered I've already written about this once before and things haven't really changed in the almost two years since I wrote the original piece. This is a happy coincidence since my laptop is acting up and refuses to connect to the Internet! Here is "Subject to Interpretation:"

I sometimes wonder if the truth is really a foreign concept that we've failed to interpret properly.  Truth changes with time, as quickly as sunlight cuts through shadows.  But everyone has their own truths, so when is something really the truth or simply masquerading lies?

We lie to keep people close or to push them away.  We lie to protect, to deceive, to hide, but in reality, we lie to save ourselves.  We try to prevent others from discovering our truths because we aren't quite sure who would be able to stick it out.  Skeletons in the closet aren't always easy to forget or forgive so most people don't really get around to revealing them until they have to.

We thrive on broken dreams, letting the lies bleed into the fabric of our days, until they become part of our truth.  Some live their lives trusting that truth is beauty and lies carry dark bitter evils better left un-named.  But this belief itself is a lie to most others. What hurts more, a lie that makes you smile or a truth that brings you to tears?

I don’t profess to always speak the truth, in fact I’m a little too good at dealing with lies.  But that’s my truth whether you believe it or not.

Parts of the Whole

It's funny how clear things can get when you take a step back. It's no secret that we're always better at figuring out other people's lives than our own for this very reason. When you're too close, you get too focused on the little things and lose sight of the big picture.

Recently I played mediator to two people who could be half way to exploding or getting over the hump. I don't want to imply that there is anything romantic going on between the two of them but eventually, you hit a point in any relationship, romantic or not, where you have to ask "are we going to keep going with this or not?" Sometimes it’s completely subconscious because things just happen so naturally you don’t really have to think about it but other times things simmer under the surface until they explode.  

Watching other people hash out their relationships makes you re-examine some of your own. Sarah called me a hoarder last night because I have issues letting people go, not knowing when someone deserves another chance or needs to be cut out (side note - my family would agree with the hoarding but on a general level since I have an alarming amount of stuff for the small space I have to keep it in).

The way I see it, any relationship is about give and take; finding a middle ground. You give up pieces of yourself to the other person to make room for the pieces they'll give you in return. Because everyone moves at their own speed, you can always expect fair trade but what happens when you realize you can't give anything else up because they've got too much already and you've got nothing in return. I've said it from the start that something to focus on this year (and last) is letting people go that just aren't ready to be part of my life right now. It's scary to think of but let's face it - I need those pieces of myself back if I'm going to keep moving forward.

It's still quite early in the day (actually it's 2:30 pm but the sun is shining so it feels early!) to be so morose and contemplative...that's usually something I save for the late hours of the evening so I guess I'll save this post for then...

The Unexpected Hero

I saw Rango on Sunday and was surprised once again.  I'm not sure if I just haven't been paying close enough attention or if the studios have been crafty about cutting the trailers together.  I assumed that this would be a fluff film about a lost lizard that finds his place in the world, but as with The Adjustment Bureau, I got more than I expected. 

 Beyond the humour brought to life by an all-star cast (led by Johnny Depp as Rango the aspiring lizard actor and Isla Fisher as Beans the rancher just trying to survive) is a story about discovery and belief.  Rango arrives in the town of Dirt after a near accident on a busy highway shatters his current situation - literally!  After his tank explodes on the road after being thrown from a moving car, Rango crosses the desert in search of water and civilization.  What he finds is a town in ruins and a Sheriff badge to live up to. 

One of my favourite quotes lines from the movie comes from the mysterious Spirit of the West who tells Rango, "you can't walk out on your own story" (or something along those lines) which is one of the underlying themes of Rango's journey.  We may feel like life is a stage, but the best character to play is simply yourself, not who others think you should be.  Clearly this movie doesn't raise the same deep questions that I took away from The Adjustment Bureau, but it still made me think, which is more than I can say about some of the other films out today.

Shift

I watched The Adjustment Bureau last night and was a bit surprised.  I assumed it was going to be an action thriller featuring Matt Damon trying to escape the clutches of a shady Government agency who are trying to keep him away from Emily Blunt.  Apparently, a lot of people thought that's what it was going to be about, except for my sister who thought it somehow involved aliens.

What I saw was a surprising romance that blossomed despite higher forces working against it.  This movie smartly raised questions about fate, destiny, and faith without sacrificing honesty.  It gave us real characters that we can relate to event though their stories are quite different from our own.  If Emily Blunt's character Elise was a real person here in Vancouver, I'm pretty sure we'd be friends.

Sure, there were some uncomfortable moments where I felt a little creeped out (i.e. Adjuster Thompson, played perfectly by Terence Stamp, watching David (Damon) and Elise asleep in bed) and some that were stretched a bit too long (like a kiss between Elise and David that just kept going even though they were about to be caught by the Bureau) but every film has it's speed bumps.  Aside from a few questionable moments, this film had chemistry, spunk, and some unexpected humour.  It was a far cry from the film I expected in the best way possible. 

By the conclusion, it makes you wonder, would you fight against what should be for what you want it to be?  Are you willing to risk everything for one person even if it meant the end of everything you hold dear or changing the future for everyone?  In an age of formulaic, cookie-cutter romantic comedies, or dark romantic thrillers, it's refreshing to come across a movie that crosses thought provoking love story with enough action to keep you on your toes, wondering what could happen next.  Could this mark the start of Damon's foray into romance movies?  Entertainment Weekly thinks it could be.  Read their review on The Adjustment Bureau here and give the movie a shot - you might agree with them by the end of it.

10 Truths

For those of you worried that you might have to read more stuff about me, fear not - we're closing in on midnight and I'm reaching back into the past of another pre-written piece!  Sorry if you've already read it but chances are you don't remember it so it's slightly new.  Way back in 2009, I was busy thinking about the things that I had learned over the past decade before the new one started.  Here's what I had to say...

Truth changes with the light so you have to put them out there while you can.

1. People usually only hear what they want to hear so be careful with what you say and who you say it to.

2. There are no right or wrong answers, just answers that fit your situation better than others.

3. Family can drive you insane but sometimes they are the only ones that can bring you back from the brink.

4. Anyone that says good friends can never be a substitute for family doesn't have very good friends.

5. Money can buy pretty much anything you could ever want, but getting everything you want doesn't necessarily mean you'll be happy.

6. The 'would you rather be too hot or too cold' debate can be settled by asking a simple question. Would you be more freaked out by a naked person walking down the street in 40 degree weather or a person wearing a dozen layers of clothing in -40 degree weather?  Clearly, it's better to be too cold rather than too hot.

7. It's better to have someone fail to meet your expectations than to have no expectations at all.

8. Anger and indignation can only keep you warm for so long.  Eventually you have to let go of all that hurt before anything gets better.

9. Your dreams will only come true if you work to make them true.

10. Sometimes love isn't enough but that doesn't mean we should ever stop believing in it.

Dinner for Two

I finally finished reading Dinner for Two by Mike Gayle a few weeks ago.  It's about a guy that's got it all - great wife, nice house, job he loves, but is looking for the last piece of the puzzle: kids.  The catch?  His wife isn't interested which coincides with job termination when the music magazine he writes for goes under.  As a favour to a friend, he takes on the most daunting task a magazine writer can take - advice columnist for a teen magazine.  Sifting through hundreds of letters, Dave finds one that changes everything because it's not from a lovestruck girl who needs help.  It's from a girl that happens to be the daughter he never knew existed.

It's interesting to hear a male perspective on accidental pregnancy.  Scratch that - it's awesome to hear a male perspective on anything that has to do with relationships.  I really enjoyed this book not only for it's humour and heart, but also for the way it's written.  Chapters can be as short as a paragraph and as long as several pages.  We move from Dave's narrative to emails to letters and even to magazine articles which provides a nice change in pace from traditional novels. 

One thing I had to keep in mind throughout the book is that I don't know many guys like this and shouldn't assume anything about this type of guy.  Granted most of the guys I know are still fairly young and aren't thinking of settling down yet.  It's interesting to think of what they'll be like when they finally grow up...

I'm left to wonder if guys really do hear their biological clocks ticking louder as the years roll on.  I've seen them in movies, on TV, and read about them in books, but I've never actually met a guy who just wants to stop dating, get married, and pop out some kids.  Women tend to start thinking of these things much earlier in life which supports the theory that we mature faster than men.  However, it's pretty safe to say that women are taking a bit longer to reach the 'settle down' stage than we used to.

When I graduated from high school, we put together a time capsule complete with predictions of what we would be like in 10 years.  Well the time to open it back up is fast approaching and I wonder just how many predictions of "married with 2 kids" have actually come true.  Personally, I never predicted that for myself because somehow I knew that I'd eventually stray off the path to have some adventures.  While having kids is an adventure all on its own, I'm pretty sure it'd put a slight damper/delay on the adventures still to come.  Truthfully, I think I'll be an awesome mom when the time comes.  It's the one thing in the future that I don't worry about, which may explain why I'm not in a rush to get there...

Clearly I've wandered so far away from where I was going when I started this post that I'm not sure where I was going to begin with but I'm sure none of you mind right?  To bring it back to the book, I'm going to toss out a couple of quotes that have stuck with me for the past month...the last one is a little cheesy, but you know it's what every girl wants to hear one way or another.

Dave feels like his friends are rushing their relationship.  They reply, "That's been the problem all along.  I used to think I had all the time in the world to do everything I wanted.  But what's the use of having all the time in the world if you're always wasting it on things that don't mean a thing?"

Madonna on why she never asked Sean Penn to marry her even though she knew he wanted to propose: "It's one thing to have to read a man's mind.  But it's another to have to read it back to him."

Dave's take on how men feel about weddings: "On the surface we might seem unfocused and uninterested but, metaphorically speaking, deep down we know, having walked around the shopping mall of life, we have found the perfect gift for ourselves, which is, of course, you."

Kill Cupid?

We're a week away from V-day...the day when couples think inappropriate PDA's are acceptable, bitter cynics get the rage, and single party people have another excuse to drink on a weekday.

When I was younger, I fell into category number two - bitter cynic rage.  This wasn't due to lack of boyfriends to celebrate with; it was because I really did hate this fake holiday and the commercialism it has become known for.  It's a time of year when flowers, especially roses, cost an arm and a leg and reservations at the best restaurants are at a premium.  The only plus side is that the mother of all PMS necessities, chocolate, flows like water.  Other than that, I figured Cupid could go snap his bow and quit meddling. 

Currently, I'm sitting in group three (single party person) and I hope that I never get brainwashed into group one.  I'm not against the idea of Valentine's Day, I just think that the true meaning of it is something that should be celebrated every day.  Go ahead and try to make the day special for the one you're with, but don't sell your kidney trying to make it happen.  Here are some ideas for the day that I would actually enjoy, and some gifts I'd break my "No Valentine's Gifts" policy for:

1) Dinner at home - nothing says you're worth it than a home cooked meal =)

2) The mixed tape - it's a throw back to the old days when cassette tapes and Walkmans ruled!  Bring it into the 21st century with a mixed CD or iTunes playlist

3) Personalized candy hearts - I hate the taste of candy hearts but even I would swoon at this.  All you need is blank hearts (as big as you can get them), edible ink, and a steady hand.  If you've got big writing, try printing different letters on smaller hearts and use them to spell out a message.  Or you could order them online but that's not as swoon worthy (and is super expensive).  If your mind lives in the gutter, check out this page for some non-PG suggestions.

4) Group Night - laser tag, go-carting, mini golf; whatever your poison, bring out all your friends (single or not) for a fun afternoon or night together.  V-Day isn't just about couples; it's about celebrating all types of relationships!

5) The tourists - If you want to go out and celebrate as a couple, give the night a twist by pretending to be tourists in your own city.  Ask random locals for suggestions, make up characters and stories, fake an accent, whatever floats your boat.  I've done this once before and it was hilarious!

Some of the best Anti-Valentine's
Day shirts out there!

I'll end with this bit of advice - couples, please detach your lips.  I get that you're in love, but Valentine's Day doesn't give you permission to actively throw it in EVERYONE'S faces.  I'm cool with your need for PDA's as long as you're cool with trying to keep it on the DL.  Cynics, come out of hiding.  Get off the bitter bus and face the day like you would any other (unless you're bitter every day).  And to the rest of you, single, ready to mingle people out there, play it safe - you never know who you'll meet and what kind of crazy will appear the next day because you got together on the 14th.  Remember, Valentine's day doesn't mean you'll end up broke or alone if you face it the right way!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive.

Some things never change.

This may be true, but does it mean that we should ever stop trying?

Tangled Up

First order of business is to welcome our newest follower Diana to the blog and the blogging world as she's just started one of her own.  Check out News on D to see what adventures she's getting up to!

Source: imdb.com

Yesterday I took my god-daughter to watch the new Natalie Portman/Ashton Kutcher romantic comedy,  No Strings Attached.  While it's pretty predictable, it's also fairly sweet, charmingly funny, and a nice change of pace.  The role reversal trend of men wanting a relationship while women try to keep it casual is gaining ground with movies like this and Love & Other Drugs.  For me, the twist is a small breath of fresh air in a formulaic and stagnant genre.  Regardless of the reviews, I have a feeling this will be a fairly popular movie, not because of the actors or the writing, but because everyone can relate to the eternal questions that are at the core of the story; can a guy and a girl ever JUST be friends and do friends with benefits situations EVER work out?  It was a little strange to have my 17 year old cousin ask me about guys and girls being best friends and if I didn't know her so well I'd be concerned.  I told her yes, but it takes time, honesty, and certain conditions.  It's something I've tried more times than I can count but has rarely worked.

The most important condition to success (in my opinion is also the most difficult to overcome - attraction.  If we're being honest, there is ALWAYS a trace of attraction when members of the opposite sex start spending time with each other.  Think about it - when you're out with your friends, the first thing you notice about someone else is how they look.  You can learn to like them for their personality and everything else once you've figured out what they are, but what pushes you to talk to them 95% of the time is looks.  Of course once they open their mouth and start talking, things can change drastically.

If you can make it past attraction then I find the rest is easy because it's like any of your other friendships.  You find common points of interest, make concessions about the things you disagree on, and become a part of each other's lives.  For me it's like having another brother but being closer because there are some things I talk to my friends about that I would never tell my family.  It's an amazing thing to have platonic guy friends that you can trust to take care of you without any hidden agendas, even though sometimes the trade off means you learn things about them that you never wanted to know.


Source: vi.sualize.us



If you can't get past attraction, then you have two options - see where it takes you (as long as neither of you are involved with someone else) or settle for being 'party pals' who don't spend much one-on-one time together.  From what I've seen, people are more successful at the second option and those that go through door #1 fail 95% of the time because things just get too weird post hook up (if it even happens).  The 5% that  are successful at navigating around the awkwardness have the following in common:



1) The are brutally honest with each other.  If it really is just a fun fling then do you really have to worry about hiding the truth?  If you honestly would never actually date each other then there shouldn't be anything wrong with saying it out loud and having a laugh about it.  It is vitally important to know where you stand with each other at all times.



Source: Zedomax.com

 

2) They recognize that this deal is extremely time sensitive.  The more time you spend together, the more likely someone might start feeling something that will complicate matters.  I don't know anyone who's lasted more than 2-3 months and still managed to be friends afterwards.

Source: MySpace

3) They don't talk about it to everyone!  Aside from your closest friends (this number varies depending on how long you've been friends and whether or not they're all part of the same group), you really shouldn't be telling other people about what's going on behind closed doors.  When a relationship is purely physical between friends, everyone has an opinion and will share it.  This is what leads to confusion - if you hear the same opinion from enough people (i.e. you like him but are in denial), it's bound to play with your mind and make you question both of your feelings and motives.

One thing I have to stress at this point is that all of this is based on my experiences and observations and should be taken lightly.  At the end of the day, it's your choice to take that chance and your reactions that will determine the outcome.