Message in a Bottle - Back to the Future

Messages come in many forms but my favourite are those anonymous notes that brave the seas (or the web).  There's something cathartic about releasing those words into the great unknown, hoping they might reach the person they were meant for.  The Message in a Bottle series gives readers (and myself) that chance.  I am so proud of everyone that is brave enough to give it a try, and am equally humbled by the fact you trust me to deliver your message.

Apologies for the sloppiness of the posts over the past couple of weeks!  I've been meaning to go back and fix them but time keeps slipping away from me.  In an attempt to break out of this funk, I'm relying on someone else's words to inspire some better ones from myself.  Thank you to M for sending this in a couple of weeks ago!  It never fails to amaze me when I receive an email from a total stranger who felt a strong enough connection to write in.  What's even more amazing is when the subject at hand is something I can totally relate to.  Although we each have our own struggles and deal with them in our own ways, it's comforting to know we aren't struggling alone.

I watched Back to the Future the other day and thought, "what would I change if I could go back in time?"  I honestly don't know if I would do everything the same or completely different.  Then I started thinking about movies where the hero gets transported back in time or into the body of a younger person or something equally impossible and gets a second chance to change their life.  It's easy to look back and say what you would've done if you only knew what you know now.  It's even easier to look at someone else's life and tell them what you think would work best.  It's like you* said a while back about how it's easier to figure out someone else's life because you have some perspective.  But it makes me wonder - how do you decide whether to use that perspective for good or evil?  When you have a good idea of how things could turn out, how do you stop yourself from making sure things unfold the way you WANT them to?  It must be nice to have that sense of certainty but I think it'd also feel a little lonely.

*I'm giving myself a moment to let this sink it - this person not only reads my blog, but actually remembers things and references it in a letter to me!

M brings up a very good point - when you've figured out how to use all the strings, do you set yourself above everyone else and play puppet master?  I'm a meddler so it's in my nature to use my own experiences to help others avoid the troubles I've faced.  One thing I try to keep in mind though is that if I didn't overcome the problems I faced in the past, I never would've learned how to help others today.  It's a fine line to walk between helping and hindering, but the best way to stay on the right side is by using your ears, not your mouth.  Sometimes, just letting someone talk it out is enough to help them find the answer they were looking for.

There's a danger in looking back as we tend to focus solely on the good and we gloss over or even shut out the bad completely.  While M might not know if they would re-write the past, I can safely say I wouldn't.  Without the good and the bad, I wouldn't be where I am today which would be sad since here is pretty good these days.

Memories

They are fleeting moments of time, polished and buffed by distance and perspective.  Some carry the whisper of childhood promises, others come with the dull ache of loss or regret, but all have the ability to transport you to another place, and sometimes as a different person. 

One of the perils I constantly face as a writer is trying not to constantly re-write my own life.  It would be so easy to take my various experiences and turn them into what might have been a happier ending.  That's probably why the prospect of writing is so appealing to me; being presented with the opportunity to create a better version of myself.  Looking back, it's not as though the person I used to be was all that bad, maybe a bit confused and lost, but i like to think I've found my way to a pretty great place.  I suppose in time, I'll be able to look back and see if that statement was really true or not.

Parts of the Whole

It's funny how clear things can get when you take a step back. It's no secret that we're always better at figuring out other people's lives than our own for this very reason. When you're too close, you get too focused on the little things and lose sight of the big picture.

Recently I played mediator to two people who could be half way to exploding or getting over the hump. I don't want to imply that there is anything romantic going on between the two of them but eventually, you hit a point in any relationship, romantic or not, where you have to ask "are we going to keep going with this or not?" Sometimes it’s completely subconscious because things just happen so naturally you don’t really have to think about it but other times things simmer under the surface until they explode.  

Watching other people hash out their relationships makes you re-examine some of your own. Sarah called me a hoarder last night because I have issues letting people go, not knowing when someone deserves another chance or needs to be cut out (side note - my family would agree with the hoarding but on a general level since I have an alarming amount of stuff for the small space I have to keep it in).

The way I see it, any relationship is about give and take; finding a middle ground. You give up pieces of yourself to the other person to make room for the pieces they'll give you in return. Because everyone moves at their own speed, you can always expect fair trade but what happens when you realize you can't give anything else up because they've got too much already and you've got nothing in return. I've said it from the start that something to focus on this year (and last) is letting people go that just aren't ready to be part of my life right now. It's scary to think of but let's face it - I need those pieces of myself back if I'm going to keep moving forward.

It's still quite early in the day (actually it's 2:30 pm but the sun is shining so it feels early!) to be so morose and contemplative...that's usually something I save for the late hours of the evening so I guess I'll save this post for then...

A to Z

When I see something that makes me stop or hear something that strikes the right chord, I instantly wish I had been blessed with a fraction of that talent.  To be able to capture a perfect moment on film, or evoke emotions from a simple brush stroke, or explain life's mysteries in a verse leaves me in awe. 

I hope you don't view me as egotistical or narcissistic when I say I know I have talents.  Everyone does and they all come into play at different times of our lives.  I can play the piano, follow a recipe while still making it my own, and organize an event like a pro (at least I think I can!).  I used to write questionable stories and poetry and am currently enthralled by antiques and interior design.  However, the prospect of creating for a living is, and I suspect will always be, the ultimate dream.

I can't even begin to count how many times I've talked about this very idea in the blog so far but that's the kick about writing - you can only honestly write what you know.  Do I think I could write something meaningful at the age of 28?  No.  I'm sure I could produce some cookie-cutter fluff about college years or the struggles of the early 20's and finding oneself, but is that what I want to do?  Absolutely not (even though that is the kind of stuff I not-so-secretly love to read). 

What I want to write about are adventures in cities I've never explored, and characters I have yet to meet.  I want to write about not only the selfishness of my 20's, but also the struggle of the 30's, the familiarity of your 40's, the wonder of 50-plus, and the knowledge of all the ages after.  I want to write about love, happiness, heartbreak, tragedy, and everything in between. 

In short, I want to write about the life I have yet to live so I guess what I really want is to go live it.

Three

"Nothing is as far away as one minute ago."
~ Jim Bishop ~

It's amazing how swiftly and slowly different facets of our lives are readjusted.

Three hours ago I was biting my nails, willing the Canucks to win the final game of their current road trip.  Three days ago I in the middle of my work week. Three months ago I was panicking that Christmas was coming too fast. Three years ago I wondered where my life was heading.

Three hours from now I'll still be passed out. Three days from now I'll be planted on the couch watching the game.  Three months from now I'll be knee deep in the height of event season.  Three years from now maybe I'll have figured it all out.

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
~ George Eliot ~

Baby Steps

Recently I wrote that one of my major to-do's in life is to get published.  Today, I got one step closer by having an article I wrote, "Best Cakes, Cupcakes & Chocolate,"posted on The Finer Details blog =) The downside?  Other than my first name featured at the bottom of the post, you would have no idea it was mine.  Still, it's the first step in what is sure to be an extremely long and somewhat painful process. 

Marcia Preston said it best, "And writing itself is a mixed blessing.  We, who are addicted, berate ourselves and feel guilty when we do not write, at the same time put it off and hunt for diversions."  Clearly this is the very reason I agreed to write here every day and why my head increasingly feels like it may explode.  Nevertheless, I never thought I'd keep it going for this long and am still surprised when I look at my stats and see that this blog has been viewed over 1,000 times!

Maybe I'll invest in this book, "A Writer's Survival Guide to Getting Published."  I'm not going to lie - my initial interest came from the fact it had sharks on the cover.  Much like with most people, I too am swayed by a good looking cover.  Although, that has little to do with whether or not I actually buy it, it just determines whether I pick it up or not.  According to Amazon's product description, it is one of the most informative books on the market.  Terry Burns is an award-winning author and a Hartline Literary agent (a profession I tried to pursue quite a few years ago) who takes fledgling writers through the whole process, from getting your initial letter read to surviving the editor's final cut.  Hopefully it'll come in handy for me some day soon.

Legacy

Today I witnessed a community celebrate the life of Megan McNeil.  Megan was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer, Adrenocortical Carinoma in 2006.  She managed to beat the disease three times before finally succumbing on January 28th.  In the past four and a half years, Megan not only fought for her life, but for the lives of countless children battling against various forms of cancer.  She wrote a beautiful song, "The Will to Survive" which is available on Amazon and iTunes, with proceeds going to support child cancer research and BC families affected by childhood cancer.  In 2010, Megan's story was named one of the best stories of the year by Canada AM and the most inspiring of the year by CBC's Connect with Mark Kelley.

I didn't really know Megan.  We met briefly at the Inside Ride last fall to kick of the Sears National Kids Cancer Ride and exchanged our thanks; I thanked her for supporting the event and she thanked me for helping organize it.  That passing moment after hearing her speak openly about her continuing fight against cancer was enough for me to see just how special Megan is.  I can't even begin to imagine the strength needed to beat cancer once, let alone three times in a span of four years is astonishing.  As Megan sings, to find that will to go on and fight and survive is truly inspiring.

From an outsider's perspective at the ceremony, it was amazing to see just a fraction of the people she touched in such a short time.  It was very touching to hear the stories and to help the people that loved Megan celebrate her life and achievements.  I learned that Megan lived a short but full life, surrounded by family and friends, doing everything she could to support the causes she believe in.  It's people like Megan that inspire us all to go out and do something to change the world to help their legacies live on.

It's for kids like Megan that I choose to work with non-profit and charity foundations through volunteering, fundraising, and hopefully throughout my career.  Seeing what Megan accomplished in her life makes you realize what kind of an impact you can have on this world.  It makes me wish I had realized it sooner as I think of the different opportunities that I let pass me by because I was too concerned with my own issues and drama.  I'm sad to admit that many of the people who have inspired me are gone and that with passing I become more committed to the path I'm on.

On a day like today I can't help but think of the legacy that I will eventually leave behind.  I talk about moving forward and planning for the future but I never really think about the end of it all - as far as I know, NO ONE does.  You never think about how the next moment could be your last.  When I'm gone, I want to leave behind something that means something to the people in my life.  Whether it's raising a family or starting my own foundation, I couldn't really say what I'll do, I just want it to make a difference.  I want to inspire people to do something great with their lives the way Megan has inspired me.

Megan may be gone by her legacy will continue to live on through her music and her family and hopefully one day I'll be able to say the same.  Thank you Megan for being such a huge inspiration and changing so many live by simply living yours the best way you knew how.

Dinner for Two

I finally finished reading Dinner for Two by Mike Gayle a few weeks ago.  It's about a guy that's got it all - great wife, nice house, job he loves, but is looking for the last piece of the puzzle: kids.  The catch?  His wife isn't interested which coincides with job termination when the music magazine he writes for goes under.  As a favour to a friend, he takes on the most daunting task a magazine writer can take - advice columnist for a teen magazine.  Sifting through hundreds of letters, Dave finds one that changes everything because it's not from a lovestruck girl who needs help.  It's from a girl that happens to be the daughter he never knew existed.

It's interesting to hear a male perspective on accidental pregnancy.  Scratch that - it's awesome to hear a male perspective on anything that has to do with relationships.  I really enjoyed this book not only for it's humour and heart, but also for the way it's written.  Chapters can be as short as a paragraph and as long as several pages.  We move from Dave's narrative to emails to letters and even to magazine articles which provides a nice change in pace from traditional novels. 

One thing I had to keep in mind throughout the book is that I don't know many guys like this and shouldn't assume anything about this type of guy.  Granted most of the guys I know are still fairly young and aren't thinking of settling down yet.  It's interesting to think of what they'll be like when they finally grow up...

I'm left to wonder if guys really do hear their biological clocks ticking louder as the years roll on.  I've seen them in movies, on TV, and read about them in books, but I've never actually met a guy who just wants to stop dating, get married, and pop out some kids.  Women tend to start thinking of these things much earlier in life which supports the theory that we mature faster than men.  However, it's pretty safe to say that women are taking a bit longer to reach the 'settle down' stage than we used to.

When I graduated from high school, we put together a time capsule complete with predictions of what we would be like in 10 years.  Well the time to open it back up is fast approaching and I wonder just how many predictions of "married with 2 kids" have actually come true.  Personally, I never predicted that for myself because somehow I knew that I'd eventually stray off the path to have some adventures.  While having kids is an adventure all on its own, I'm pretty sure it'd put a slight damper/delay on the adventures still to come.  Truthfully, I think I'll be an awesome mom when the time comes.  It's the one thing in the future that I don't worry about, which may explain why I'm not in a rush to get there...

Clearly I've wandered so far away from where I was going when I started this post that I'm not sure where I was going to begin with but I'm sure none of you mind right?  To bring it back to the book, I'm going to toss out a couple of quotes that have stuck with me for the past month...the last one is a little cheesy, but you know it's what every girl wants to hear one way or another.

Dave feels like his friends are rushing their relationship.  They reply, "That's been the problem all along.  I used to think I had all the time in the world to do everything I wanted.  But what's the use of having all the time in the world if you're always wasting it on things that don't mean a thing?"

Madonna on why she never asked Sean Penn to marry her even though she knew he wanted to propose: "It's one thing to have to read a man's mind.  But it's another to have to read it back to him."

Dave's take on how men feel about weddings: "On the surface we might seem unfocused and uninterested but, metaphorically speaking, deep down we know, having walked around the shopping mall of life, we have found the perfect gift for ourselves, which is, of course, you."